Jan Edmiston asked me if I would be willing to be a guest on her blog, and would I be willing to write about what I wish I knew when I started in Youth Ministry. Here is the article!
What I wish I knew when I started in
Youth Ministry.
These are my reflections after 22+ years of working with
teenagers, churches, families and volunteers.
I didn’t go to seminary,
but I’ve been in the trenches and figured some
stuff out as I went along.
Relationships are key to your ministry, and your
relationship with your students should not be at the top of your list.
1.
God: It goes without saying that you
need to be working on your relationship with God. You can’t lead people on a journey that you’re not on as well. All
else stems from this (and sorry to be so cliché, but it’s
true)
2.
Volunteers: Grow a team of people who
love God and love teenagers to serve with you.
I spend 40% of my budget and at least that much of my time and energy on
building and maintaining relationships with my adult and youth volunteer
team! The time spent in teaching,
planning and playing with my volunteers means I have people willing to return
year after year because this ministry gives them a place to serve with people
they care about and enjoy spending time with.
Younger youth look forward to the day they can be a staffer, because
they recognize that we love each other and it’s a bunch of fun.
3.
Senior Pastor: When I have a great relationship with my Senior
Pastor, I am energized! I know I am
free to try new things and he/she will have my back. And when I fail, she/he is there to help pick
up the pieces, encourage me to keep trying, and defend me when parents
complain. When I don’t have that relationship I feel
afraid to try things, isolated and alone and my ministry suffers. Seek out regular time to check in with your
Pastor and be honest about the joys and sorrows of your job.
4.
Parents are often super busy and
details like permissions slips or trip deposits are way down on their to-do
lists. Cut parents slack and look for
ways to support them in the task of parenting teenagers (which is really
rough). Hold events where they can be
included and they don’t have
to pay, cook, clean or give the right answers. (parent dinner night;
mom/daughter conversations about beauty, self-esteem, acceptance; A family Capture the Flag night; etc.) Communicate through emails, texts, Facebook
posts, postcards, calendars, the church newsletter, etc. on the off chance that
one of those might catch their attention and keep them informed about church
stuff. Answer their phone calls, emails,
texts. Don’t view them as adversaries, but as partners … even when they don’t live up to your
expectations. Parents are the #1
influence on the spiritual lives of their children and they need your help and
support!
5.
Students: It may be surprising that this is so far
down my list, but besides knowing everyone’s name and some of what makes them tick, I can’t be expected to have close
relationships with all my students. And
they don’t necessarily want
that either. That’s why I rely on my volunteers! They can attempt to forge those
relationships with everyone. I do have
close relationships with some of my students, there are those who are naturally
drawn to me and who I “click
with” deep down. My goal is for every student to have that “someone” and know that when they aren’t there their absence is noticed and they are missed. It just can’t always be me.
My Stuff
Be authentic.
Teenagers always turn away from people they know are full of crap. They respond and are drawn to people who are
real and honest about who they are, what they love, and where they falter. Admit when you’ve
made a mistake, apologize often, accept the consequences of your actions
and don’t hide any of
it. Be willing to say, “I don’t know, but I’ll
try to figure it out”.
Tell stories of your successes and failures. Speak of your strong faith, and those areas
were you are uncertain and/or doubt.
(But also set healthy boundaries …
don’t overshare or
burden your team or students with stuff that isn’t appropriate).
Take care of yourself.
I’ve met many youth
workers who are a hot mess. You weren’t called to this ministry to kill
yourself. Sabbath is not a suggestion,
it’s an imperative. Hot baths are good, long showers are good,
chocolate is good, catching up with an old friend is good, time with your
spouse or partner is essential. Eating
well (so hard, I know) and exercising are good.
Don’t be that worn out,
tired, mentally frazzled person that shows up when too much is going on. Be that beloved child of God who needs to
take care of themselves so they can do the work they are called to.
Fun is not a bad word.
For the middle years of my ministry, I outlawed the use of the word “Fun”. Fun
could not be the goal for a lesson or event.
After all, I only have them for six years and there is so much that I
want to teach them before they leave for the scary, secular world of college! Jesus didn’t
die on a cross for us to have fun or be happy!
But I was ignoring my number one goal …
building relationships. I’ve learned that fun is not a dirty word,
and that providing opportunities to just have fun together is what binds us
together. My most favorite activity is
our yearly Work Camp Nightly Volleyball game.
Everyone plays, no score is kept, each person gets to serve, it doesn’t matter how many are on your team or
where you stand on the court, and if you don’t
know how to serve, someone will take a 5 minute game time-out to teach you (and
you get 20 tries before we move on). I
never set these rules, they just organically happened when I allowed space for
fun to take over. And Jesus might have
been willing to die on a cross for these types of all-inclusive games to occur!
Don’t always take yourself and your job too
seriously.
Grace is the word.
Give it like crazy. Give it to
your Pastor, the parents, your volunteers, your students, your
congregation. Cut people breaks. Give your volunteers time off. Forgive when people screw up. And give grace to yourself as well. Don’t
just preach it, do it often and without hesitation.
Congregational Stuff
Keep your Congregation informed. When they don’t
hear about the good stuff we are doing and the challenges we are facing, they
write us off. You are the advocate for
teenagers to your church. If you need
more money, volunteers, resources, space, etc. you will have a much easier time
with those requests if your congregation is invested in your ministry. But they aren’t
going to walk into your office and say, “Tell me about the
youth”. Cheerlead for your
youth, make spaces for them to participate in worship, hang pictures in the
hallways of their crazy activities, feature a student each month in the church
newsletter, and ask them to write summaries or give talks following meaningful
trips or retreats. Anything that helps
the congregation know and care about who they are and what they do will help
when you need them to back you up and invest in your ministry.
Getting youth to worship is a difficult battle. Churches often believe their youth ministry
is weak if they don’t see youth in
Sunday worship. I’ve tried for years to think about ways to get my
youth to come the hour or so early to attend worship before youth groups. But they just don’t, and often times their parents don’t either. Teenagers like to sleep in when they can
and often Sunday is the only day they are not scheduled like crazy. IF they do go, their friends aren’t there and they often get dirty looks if
they are dressed in t-shirts and jeans.
Traditional worship isn’t touching them
down deep. But none of this means
teens are not faithful, deep, inspiring or in touch with the living God. They are, they just don’t often find that in worship. Choose your battles wisely on this one.
Youth doesn’t
have to happen on Sundays. Tap into
the pulse of your families and find out what works for them. The traditional models aren’t working anymore in much of the country and we
need to be in touch of the demands on students and their families. Be creative and willing to try something
new. If you need to run things through
a Board or Committee, bring those results and preferably a few parents with you
as your present new models, dates, and times for approval. Congregations who are unwilling to meet the
needs of families are losing members and frustrating Youth workers.
Good luck, God bless and be ready for the best job ever!
